For fathers moving on with their lives following divorce, balancing new relationships and their children can be a challenge. Many fathers are concerned about their new partner’s feelings toward their children, wanting their kids to be accepted and loved by a new spouse or significant other. Sometimes this proves difficult because their partner lacks understanding of children or perhaps is more interested in pursuing other interests outside a family.
Fathers often experience guilt for putting there kids through a divorce and not being able to maintain an ‘intact’ family structure. While dads typically get to visit with there kids 50 percent of the time, many enjoy much less. Studies reveal that post-divorce dads often are more permissive in their parenting to make the most of the time they DO have with their children. Unfortunately, this laissez-faire approach to parenting is often at odds with a new partner’s expectation. Many fathers admit that they feel more relaxed when their partners aren’t home when the kids visit to avoid conflicts.
In an age of co-parenting, men worry about communicating with their ex and upsetting their new partner. Raising kids separately demands a level of cooperation between divorced couples and men often have a desire or feel obligated to talk to the mother of their children. Unfortunately, some partners are threatened by interactions between the two, which may negatively impact the kids.
Step-parents can take steps to make the transition easier for the whole. Kids need love, affection and consistent rules. Don’t get caught in the trap of exchanging gifts for love – keep your interactions authentic, based on open communication. Consider what house rules to put into effect with your partner and apply them consistently. Create new family traditions or special activities to engage in with your step-kids, taking time to get feedback to ensure mutual interest. Respect all parents by keeping interactions and references courteous and compassionate and do not pry into the ‘goings-on’ in the other household or use kids as messengers. Ask friends with kids of similar ages for tips or conduct some online research to determine what kids of the same ages are interested in to form a connection.
Most divorced fathers and step-parents want to be both supportive partners to each other and good parents to their children and step-children. Therapists agree that the first step is to openly communicate. Any partner, male or female, should be open to hearing their partner’s feelings and concerns. It may be helpful to seek professional counseling with a therapist who is knowledgeable about or specializes in step-family issues. While it is sometimes difficult to strike a balance between ex’s, kids and new partners, communication early and often can make a difference.
If you are considering divorce and have questions regarding the divorce process, child visitation or another family law matter, contact the Law Offices of Ronald L. Bell PC for help.
Source: Huffingtonpost.com, “4 Reasons Fathers in Remariage Walk on Eggshells”, by Mary T. Kelly, accessed March 12, 2015.